Caffeine Will Make You Fat

Every once in a while I’ll see a news story about a drunk burglar calling the cops on himself or someone will say something outlandish and it will stun me. My husband and I often have a conversation that goes something like this:

Me: “HOW could someone not know that taking Benadryl will make you sleepy. WHY would you do that right before you drive 8 hours in the dark. WHY!?”

Him: “You’re being too hard on people, everyone doesn’t learn this stuff.”

Me: “I know that, but seriously – it’s Benadryl!  How do you not know that??”

Inevitably the conversation ends with me, in my infinite wisdom, declaring what I know to be common sense. Basically, that is to say it ends with me judging someone as a complete moron for not knowing some random factoid that I was really, truly convinced everyone knows.

Today one of these encounters went a little like this:

Girl A: “You know caffeine is, like, literally the most fattening thing for your body.”

Me, Thinking: She’s joking. She doesn’t think that. WHY would you think that? Her friend is about to crack up laughing, because that was a joke.

Girl B: “No it’s not. The stuff in your coffee is fattening, but the caffeine isn’t.”

Me, Thinking: True. Yes. Correct. Girl A will now say, “that’s what I meant” so I can stop standing here with my chin on the floor and my eyebrows on the ceiling.

Girl A: “NO! The caffeine is fattening. Seriously! How do you not know that?? It is absolutely the most fattening thing you can put in your body….worse than chocolate and fried chicken.”

Me, Thinking: Oh my gosh, she really believes this.

At this point they walk outside. I finish putting away my 15 feet tall stack of notes (while wondering where all these diet pill manufacturers went wrong by putting caffeine in their pills – what are they trying to do, make their customers obese!?) and head out the door, where I again encounter Girls A and B.

Girl B – to new Girl C: “Is caffeine fattening? Tell her caffeine isn’t fattening.”

Girl C: “Sugar & cream in your coffee might be, but the caffeine itself isn’t.”

rl A: “Fine, whatev. Y’all are wrong. Don’t blame me when you’re 300 pounds.”

Me, Thinking: Maybe I should lay off the caffeine….

Have you ever had someone say something to you that was so wacky you found yourself scrambling to pick your jaw up off the floor? Do share. I can’t be the only one who occasionally finds themselves stunned by the sometimes peculiar beliefs of others. What’s the weirdest thing someone has ever said to you?