Caffeine Will Make You Fat

Every once in a while I’ll see a news story about a drunk burglar calling the cops on himself or someone will say something outlandish and it will stun me. My husband and I often have a conversation that goes something like this:

Me: “HOW could someone not know that taking Benadryl will make you sleepy. WHY would you do that right before you drive 8 hours in the dark. WHY!?”

Him: “You’re being too hard on people, everyone doesn’t learn this stuff.”

Me: “I know that, but seriously – it’s Benadryl!  How do you not know that??”

Inevitably the conversation ends with me, in my infinite wisdom, declaring what I know to be common sense. Basically, that is to say it ends with me judging someone as a complete moron for not knowing some random factoid that I was really, truly convinced everyone knows.

Today one of these encounters went a little like this:

Girl A: “You know caffeine is, like, literally the most fattening thing for your body.”

Me, Thinking: She’s joking. She doesn’t think that. WHY would you think that? Her friend is about to crack up laughing, because that was a joke.

Girl B: “No it’s not. The stuff in your coffee is fattening, but the caffeine isn’t.”

Me, Thinking: True. Yes. Correct. Girl A will now say, “that’s what I meant” so I can stop standing here with my chin on the floor and my eyebrows on the ceiling.

Girl A: “NO! The caffeine is fattening. Seriously! How do you not know that?? It is absolutely the most fattening thing you can put in your body….worse than chocolate and fried chicken.”

Me, Thinking: Oh my gosh, she really believes this.

At this point they walk outside. I finish putting away my 15 feet tall stack of notes (while wondering where all these diet pill manufacturers went wrong by putting caffeine in their pills – what are they trying to do, make their customers obese!?) and head out the door, where I again encounter Girls A and B.

Girl B – to new Girl C: “Is caffeine fattening? Tell her caffeine isn’t fattening.”

Girl C: “Sugar & cream in your coffee might be, but the caffeine itself isn’t.”

rl A: “Fine, whatev. Y’all are wrong. Don’t blame me when you’re 300 pounds.”

Me, Thinking: Maybe I should lay off the caffeine….

Have you ever had someone say something to you that was so wacky you found yourself scrambling to pick your jaw up off the floor? Do share. I can’t be the only one who occasionally finds themselves stunned by the sometimes peculiar beliefs of others. What’s the weirdest thing someone has ever said to you?

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12 Comments + Add Comment

  • Fun question!

    My husband was rotating through some specialty and the patient who had lost all but one of his lung lobes and had congestive heart failure due to obesity signed out AMA because the staff refused to give him a burger.

    When he was told about the severity of his condition he said “oh if anything happens I'll come back and you can zap my heart again.”

  • Haha, I totally understand. Overhearing that would've bothered me all day.

    During a break in a biochem lecture last year, a friend of mine went outside to smoke a cigarette, and I went outside to grab a diet coke from my car.

    He stopped me, mid-puff, to inform me that diet coke would give me cancer.

    I just stared at him suspiciously for awhile to see if he was being ironic. He wasn't.

  • Oh goodness haha – those are both hilarious. Thanks so much for the laugh.

    @medcouple: People are amazing. Do they really think they are invincible??

    @apotential: Oh wow lol. I think I would have laughed in his face. Smoking. Yick. One of my least favorite things in the world. Staaaankyyyy people.

  • ouch…i smoke! hahahaha but i agree to what you observed about the conversation on caffeine…..

    Here in the Philipines you will find people who go to the gym and once they're done, they would eat all of these fattening stuff and say “I have to reward myself because of a tiring day at the gym…”

  • Mine usually come from my dear wife, hoarder of interesting facts. So she'll say something like…

    'The whole east side of England is falling into the sea'.

    'What?!?!?' says I, considering we live in East Anglia.

    'Yes, it's all disappearing at a tremendous rate'

    'Where did you hear that from?'

    'I'm not sure now, but it's true'

    So we never get to the source to examine if correct. In this instance it's true bits of the east coast are disappearing… but not much.

  • I was doing HIV testing in the ER and had a (very high) patient yell at me for trying to protect her privacy by asking her finance to leave (which we are required to do).

    I've met patients with hypertension who obsessively get it checked but won't take drugs to manage it.

    It's not just “them” – my classmates engage in some fairly risky behavior – binge drinking, smoking, irresponsible sexual behavior (which I define as not protecting themselves from pregnancy and STIs). Even the smartest people do the dumbest crap.

  • one day one friend said to me “Jessica, you can't like tea because you use sugar” and i said “so what? can't i like sugar in the tea?” and she said “noo… people that really like tea doesn't”, so i am wondering… can't i have my regular tea with sugar and still like it????

  • I have a friend that told me not to purchase gas from Kroger because it is “bad gas.” Being a chemical engineer I actually laughed pretty hard pulling up to the pump at Kroger, but he really believed it was different than the stuff down the street.

  • Dumb people keep us employed. New, reader…enjoying!

  • LOVE the post!!

    This week, an ultrasound tech at the hospital told me, “The reason you hear two heart sounds is because the first one is caused by the heart squeezing, and the second sound is made because the heart relaxes.”

    Uhhhh what?!? I said back, “I'm pretty sure it's the valves closing that makes the heart sounds.” He just looked confused and brushed it off.

  • I was working a free clinic and counseling a woman I was pretty sure had Gonorrhea. She was older than my mother, and she was post-menopausal. She had been having symptoms for the same period of time it had been since she had last had unprotected sex, but 2 and 2 still weren't making 4.

    I tried to explain that sometimes these STIs don't have symptoms, and that they are therefore easy to pass around (intending to make the point that her partner may not have known at the time of intercourse). She then fixated on the fact that she didn't have one because she was having symptoms.

  • This made me laugh really hard. I was talking to a girl the other day who was around 15 weeks pregnant, and smoking about a half a pack a day. I (politely, I promise!) asked her why she was still smoking, and she said her doctor told her that since she was a smoker when she got pregnant, her baby was addicted to the nicotine now, and that quitting now would be hard on the baby.

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About The Author

I'm an ObGyn. I started this blog as a medical student (some would call that doctor school) and now I'm working as an Ob/Gyn, which is seriously the coolest job ever. I'm a twin mom and recently added a baby brudder to the mix. My life story through November 2010 can be viewed here. The events in the many years following can be summed up as wedding bells, books, exams, babies, and doctoring. I started this blog in hopes of landing a role in a Lifetime movie so I could quit medicine and move to Hollywood, but that hasn't happened...so if you wouldn't take medical advice from Angelina Jolie, you shouldn't take it from me. I may not even be a real person. In fact, I'm probably a spambot. Or possibly a 15 yo boy blogging from a dingy basement. If you're really interested you can read more about me here. If you have any questions or want to guest post contact me.

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