Avoid a Speeding Ticket Using Your Dirty Dog

Baby Jaden. Born 4/4/11 – 7lbs, 7oz. Adorable.
I was about an hour into the three hour drive home from visiting one of my very best friends and her absolutely precious new baby boy, listening to Dr. Goljan explain Serous Ovarian Cystadenocarinoma through my car speakers and generally minding my own business when I saw flashing lights make an abrupt u-turn as I passed them.
I silently willed the lights to transform into an ambulance. No luck. I wished my misfortune onto the tan car that had been following me. Still no luck.
 Pause Dr. Goljan and his Gynecology lecture. Roll down window.

Do you know why I’m pulling you over ma’am?
 blank, innocent stare
Speeding. Is there a medical emerge…
HEY! that dog looks JUST like my Cockapoo! confused stare
He’s cute! glance at Wrigley. wonder how he even remotely resembles a Cockapoo.

I kid you not, friends, the officer interrupted his own
onlyspeedinemergencies speech to talk to about my dog. What can I say? He’s just that cute.

So, naturally, I asked him if his Cockapoo was as dirty as the orphan-looking dog riding in my passenger seat who, I’m 90% sure, has not seen sunlight in at least 4 weeks thanks to his neglectful parents failing to secure him a trip to the groomers. I glanced to my right and gave Wrigley an
if-you-growl-at-the-cop-I-swear-I-will-leave-you-on-the-side-of-the-road* look and my obedient animal friend happily wagged his tail and gave his best puppy dog eyes.

Thanks, Buddy. I promise we’ll cut your hair soon.

However, thanks to that haircut issue, I highly doubt anyone could even see his eyes – but, officer, if you could see his eyes I swear they would be big, black, please-don’t-give-my-broke-mom-a-ticket eyes.

Mr. Highway Patrol left with my info and subsequently returned to my window wielding a white piece of paper. He flashed a “you’re welcome” grin at Wrigley and handed me a typed-up warning without saying anything.

Then he stuck his arm through my window to try and pet Wrigley. Again, I willed my constantly suspicious four-legged child not to growl and, miraculously, he obliged. Then Mr. Hwy Patrol and I had a long conversation about what kind of dogs we have and he told me how great he thought dogs were. I agree, sir. I agree…especially when they flash those puppy dog eyes through 12 layers of matted hair to get you out of a speeding ticket.

And, for the record, I happen to think dog-loving officers are really great, as well. 

Tell me your law-enforcement stories! Have you ever gotten a ticket you didn’t deserve? How about gotten out of one you probably did deserve??

*When Wrigley was a tiny little 2 pound puppy he would growl at my fingers and I thought it was SO cute and made him do it all the time. Thanks to my marvelous parenting skills he now thinks growling at people is how he should ask them to pet him. Trip to the park? Growl at small children. Walk in the neighborhood? Growl at neighbors. It makes total sense.