{"id":707,"date":"2011-05-04T16:09:00","date_gmt":"2011-05-04T21:09:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/mindonmed.com\/2011\/05\/the-day-i-vacuumed-my-freezer.html"},"modified":"2011-05-04T16:09:00","modified_gmt":"2011-05-04T21:09:00","slug":"the-day-i-vacuumed-my-freezer","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/old.mindonmed.com\/2011\/05\/the-day-i-vacuumed-my-freezer.html","title":{"rendered":"The Day I Vacuumed My Freezer"},"content":{"rendered":"

Have you ever been alone in your house and heard a really strange noise reverberate from another room? Something that sounded awfully similar to what you can only assume is the racket a nuclear bomb might make if it came crashing through your kitchen skylight? I have.<\/span><\/p>\n

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If you’ve been following this blog since January you might remember the Christmas Gift Awards<\/a> post I did at the beginning of the year. If not, I’ll bring you up to speed by informing you that the award for Seriously Awesome Gift <\/i>went to a dozen Jones Soda bottles my youngest little sister<\/a> personalized for Donnie & I. <\/span>

These would be an awesome gift for anyone, but seeing as our last name is so astonishingly unique <\/i>that we share it with a drink brand who lets you personalize their glass bottles, it’s even more awesome. <\/span>

Anyway, I was studying at the house one day and decided I wanted a coke*. We rarely have anything carbonated in the house, so I assumed I was out of luck considering I was far <\/i>too lazy to make the four block trip to Walmart to purchase one.<\/span><\/p>\n

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After 5 minutes of pouting I remembered we had an entire box of (room-temp) Jones Soda in the pantry. So, I did what anyone wanting a cold, fizzy drink would do, I put one in the freezer and went to study “for a few minutes” while I waited on the left side of my refrigerator to do it’s job. <\/span>

…I’m sure you can see where this is going. <\/span>
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Three-ish hours later, I’m sitting at my desk reading about pyelonephritis and IgA nephropathy<\/strike> (okay, so that’s what I was supposed to be doing, no need to lie on my own blog) tweeting and I hear what can only be explained as the Bad Boys 2 mansion explosion<\/a> scene going on in my kitchen. <\/span><\/p>\n

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So, did I jump up and run in there to survey the damage and locate survivors? Nope. I did what anyone with the supernatural ability to instantly forget just about anything would do – I looked around the office, thought “what in the good Lord’s name was that?” and went right back to updating my Facebook status. <\/span><\/p>\n

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…then I thought, “Man, I really want a coke.”<\/span>
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…then I remembered I had one in the freezer.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
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This is not my freezer – it belongs to someone<\/a> who had a similar accident.
Mine looked a lot like this one would look if you tossed a handful of this<\/a> in it.<\/span><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

<\/span>And, just in case you were wondering, shards of Jones-Soda-bottle-glass do look a heck of a lot like frozen cream soda…which happens to be a spitting image of the little pieces of ice that accumulate on bags of frozen peas after they have been hanging out in subzero weather for approximately 10 months. <\/span><\/p>\n

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The rest of my day consisted of placing every last frozen food item and freezer shelf into our sink, washing sticky glass shards and ice spicules off frost-bitten left overs, and – you got it – vacuuming<\/b> cream soda and broken glass out of the inside of our freezer.
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…and I still never got my stupid coke. <\/span>

*Y<\/span><\/span>es, the nasty rumors are true, in this part of Texas all fizzy, flavored drinks are “cokes,” not just Coca-Cola. I probably should have included that in the Dialect Debates<\/a> post. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Have you ever been alone in your house and heard a really strange noise reverberate from another room? Something that sounded awfully similar to what you can only assume is the racket a nuclear bomb might make if it came crashing through your kitchen skylight? I have. If you’ve been following this blog since January […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":708,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[60],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/old.mindonmed.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/707"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/old.mindonmed.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/old.mindonmed.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/old.mindonmed.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/old.mindonmed.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=707"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/old.mindonmed.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/707\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/old.mindonmed.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/708"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/old.mindonmed.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=707"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/old.mindonmed.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=707"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/old.mindonmed.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=707"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}